Fuck you, Panania, you ruined my life.

So I've had this line in my head for about.. 3 and half hours now haha

For anyone that knows me or has spoken to me for a while, a month or a week at least I guess, you'd know that I love soccer. And that I play. Played. As in, past tense. Why past tense? Well, first of all, thank you very much Panania. Last...April? Or late March, I was playing for Gunners Soccer Club - henceforth known as GUNNERS! - and it was just a friendly, a something I forgot the name of game.. a trial game! And I don't know what happened, this girl came out of nowhere and I hit the ground. And I was crying and I couldn't stand. When I did my leg would literally wobble and something, I swear it was my knee cap, would like zig zag across my knee. Idiot doctor I saw that day told me it was a bruise.

After a day of pain I went to see another and he couldn't touch it coz it was so inflamed. I got crutches and didn't know how to get better or anything and eventually I saw a physio who told me I should've been off crutches a while ago. But seriously every time I stood on my legs my knee cap would relocate. Anyway it turned out I'd torn my anterior cruciate ligament.

I remember finding out and freaking out. Coz my friend, Em, said someone on her dance team had torn her ACL and she had to get surgery and I was like OMG I hope that doesn't happen to me. And it turns out it did. And then I messaged Canadia Liz coz she loves soccer too and was also injured at the time. And ya I was freaking out.

And so on December 12th I had my knee reconstruction. Stupid 3 days in hospital. I felt sick the second day. Well the first day I was pretty much still out coz of the morphine, which makes me puke by the way. I know you wanna know ;) And the second day I realised I had to stay in that bed with no movement and a really heavy leg and bedpans urghhh and I just wanted out.

And yeahh I had a few visitors, but most of the time I was just.. I don't even know what I was doing. But I called Helen a couple of times. More people should be on 3 so I can use my freetime. I remember when everyone was on Optus haha but anyway.

So I've been going physio since then. And a couple of weeks ago my physio, Kenny, tells me I have to run or it's not worth going to physio this week. And he said it in a nice way, not like an asshole way. So today, despite my strong distaste for doing it, I went for a run. Sort of. I went with a soccer ball because seriously, I don't see a point in running unless you're going after something.

And fuck me dead, I could not kick a ball properly. And I dribbled the ball but it was so.... hard for me. If you've ever seen me play, you'd be able to tell the difference. I think. Maybe not. But I used to be able to run with the ball, and use like the entire surface of my right foot at least to dribble the ball. I was comfortable tapping it with my left foot. Since when did soccer ever be a chore to me? Except when I had to go to training haha the runninggg. But other than that, soccer was always fun.

And I felt so weird running and trying to kick with my left foot. Oh and I can't kick anymore. Like the ball just barely gets off the ground. I know it's got to do with my left leg. Coz I don't put my full body into the kick, I stop after a while so my right foot just swings out to the left way too much. And I kick up dirt.

Panania fucked up my life. I never cared much before, right, until I try going back to soccer and its all weird.

Anyway. I hope I get back to how I was. If I don't, bloody hell I'll be complaining about it. Seriously. Soccer was something I could do with... well more confidence than usual. I didn't think it'd be weird to go back, that I'd be different.

Tch. Stupid Panania. I'm sure it's a lovely place. Haha.